August 2009 - Preseason
The Predators OTM began pre-season camp on August 3. The invitation only pre-season sessions witnessed 25+ athletes compete for 22 rosters spots and a place in the first XI. The players sauntered into session #1 chiseled and ready for work. Kistler frightened a number of his teammates (and a few innocent bystanders) when he flashed his newly minted 1.5 abdominal pack. He claimed, "the pack hadn’t seen the light of day since 1982." In fact, he stated that "in another two weeks, the other 1/2 pack will make an appearance." In muted Spanish Jose responded, "veremos un extraterrestrial en su estómago antes de que veamos cualquier músculo." In unison the team searched for a credible translation. Since the team intellectual, Wak, was out of town working for the Khmer rouge, the team turned to newly minted headmaster M. Reardon. Unfortunately, Reardon could provide no insight. Rather he declaimed on the differences between the various Spanish dialects. Ignoring the Reardon recitation of Spanish etymology, B. Santegello offered his translation born of years of working in the landscaping trade, "Jose, is saying that those aren’t muscles, just clever use of angles and shadows." Santangello continued, "I’ve been using the same technique for years at night with my wife."
State Cup Game Round #1 (March 30, 2009)
Predators OTM beat a determined Phoenix Soccer Club 4-0 Sunday March 29, to progress to the State semi-final. The Predators OTM remain unbeaten and are scheduled to play against, twice state champions, Radnor United this coming Sunday (April 5) @2PM. The venue has not yet been decided but is likely to be either Rustin HS Turf or Eastern University.
Coach Gottlieb, affectionately known by the squad as the Gaffer, was pleased with his teams performance this weekend. "We are begining to come together", said Gottlieb. "Our twice a week training sessions in the bitter cold since early February are paying dividends; however, we are playing real quality this coming Sunday and will have to be at the top of our game."
Dr. Wak Mahaniah, the Doctor of Defense, was man of the match. Of the Doctor, Gottlieb would only say, "a force and indispensable." "True that," was the refrain of his over-30 teammates. While the vodoo witch doctor was plying his trade in El Savador this weekend (our physio was spotted on ESPN) the Doctor has been the voice of reason. Kistler commented, "while I’m not too fond of his suggestion that we get weekly proctology exams, it sounds like a money making scheme to me; B. Santangello swears by them." Said Santangello of his unique training regime, "listen, I’ve experienced more invasive procedures at indoor soccer than in Wak’s office; this ain’t so bad." Santangello continued, "after we played Danubia at the Far Post I felt like I had been ravaged by the entire Trojan army; Wak is gentle in comparison, he uses vaseline!" In a barely audible whisper Kistler said, "It was more like the Persian army; and it wasn’t pretty."
The Boys of October (October 25, 2008)
The Old Timers remain unbeaten having claimed three wins and a draw through the month of October. In four weeks the Predators have scored 12 goals and given up only 1. Stellar performances by P. Reali (UGH – Man of the Match), K. Justice (Black 47 – Man of the Match), B. Hawkey (VE – Man of the Match), and P. Luzak (Plymouth – Man of the Match) have led the way.
With the 2-0 defeat of league leaders Plymouth the Predators are only one point adrift with 2 games in hand. The victory was capped by a P. Luzak 25 yard screamer that punched through the side netting. The goal and stylish play (and perfectly coifed hair) enabled Luzak to claim his 2nd man of the match award and confirmed the womanly devotion of the team’s trainer ("not that there is anything wrong with it").
Speculation abounds as to the reasons for the Predator’s success. Recent attention has focused on the unusual dietary philosophy of the team’s physio. In a post game interview physio, J. Shaginaw (Shags) explained his philosophy. "I believe in the yin and yang of team football", said Shags. "To achieve the desired balance the outfield players must be unencumbered and should use laxatives liberally." "The goalies on the other hand, should let little through and must remain bound." In fact, V. Dambrosio has adhered to Shags dictates since mid-September. C. Kiersey claimed that Vinny wasn’t adhering to anything, "he simply holds onto everything but the ball."
Much of Shags advice has not been well received. When told of the beneficial purgative effects of consuming ones own urine, M. Kistler said in disgust, "I’m not taking anymore advice from that voodoo witch doctor."
